FOPO No More: Tips to Overcome Fear of Others' Opinions! S4E40

Do you desire the freedom to live authentically without the fear of other people's opinions holding you back? I will reveal the solution to help you break free from the grips of judgment and pursue your true calling. Imagine living without the weight of external judgment, embracing your true self, and confidently following your passion. I will guide you towards achieving that sense of liberation and empowerment.

“If you start paying less and less attention to what makes you you — your talents, beliefs, and values — and start conforming to what others may or may not think, you’ll harm your potential. You’ll start playing it safe because you’re afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique. You’ll fear being ridiculed or rejected. When challenged, you’ll surrender your viewpoint. You won’t raise your hand when you can’t control the outcome. You won’t go for that promotion because you won’t think you’re qualified.”  Michael Gervais, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying About What People Think of You

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Overcome the fear of judgment and live authentically.
• Pursue your true calling and unleash your full potential.
• Embrace your greatness and step into your true potential.
• Free yourself from the fear of other people's opinions and live a fulfilling life.

Embracing New Paths

Sheri Miter's journey into understanding the fear of other people's opinions (FOPO) began when she and her husband realized they no longer wanted to pursue a dream adventure. The fear of what others would think about their decision plagued their minds. As Sheri delved deeper into this topic, she discovered the profound impact of FOPO on individuals, especially in their careers. The realization that many people remain in unfulfilling careers due to the fear of judgment from others struck a chord with Sheri. Her quest to understand and overcome FOPO led her to valuable insights from psychologist Michael Gervais, who h

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Matthew 5:14-16 is the inspiration for this podcast.

Transcript

00:01.00
sherimiterco
As I've been sharing in the last 2 episodes my husband and I recently realized that a dream adventure that we have been on. We didn't want to do it anymore and one of the things that we really started to worry about which is so crazy. Was what other people would think when we told them that we didn't want to do this adventure anymore. What would would they think that we failed would they you know those that were following us vicariously would they be disappointed in us. What would they think of us would they judge us and. You know I'm thinking maybe you feel that way with your career after all, you went to school for years for the degree. You talked about how excited you were for this career you planned for it. You've worked hard for it and. You're now living the dream air quotes there except that for you, it's not what you thought it would be and you secretly want to throw in the towel and try something else, but you stay where you are because you're worried about what. Other people will think when you tell them you don't want to do it anymore if that resonates with you my friend then stay tuned. This podcast is going to help you clear the phobo and.

01:32.34
sherimiterco
Learn exactly what that means right intro goes here. So why on earth do we worry so much about what other people think you know it's really crazy because honestly when I think about it. The people who may be the. Biggest critics of our lives are usually the same ones who have never ever attempted anything outside of the ordinary they live in a very small ah comfortable box I like to say they're the ones who might talk about their dreams but they're they're the ones that never. Reach for them. So why do we worry about that so much you know realistically I think we all know we shouldn't care what other people think but we do we do especially in today's world where everything's so. Highlighted on social media and everybody follows everybody everybody knows what everybody else is doing but the reality is the only people we should really be concerned with as far as their opinions go on what we're doing or not doing are those who will be directly affected by our decision. Jens for Tom and I basically that was just Tom and I no one else really mattered in that decision. Yes, we valued our friends and family's opinions. But otherwise we shouldn't really care because we're the ones who are living the life and.

03:06.89
sherimiterco
We're the ones who may have to make the decision. What's best for us right now and for you. The only ones who should matter are the people directly affected with your decision about your career. Probably your spouse. Um, could be your coworkers. It might be your boss because they all have an invested interest in your career, but the only one who really matters the most. What I would think be your spouse and if you have a great spouse like I do i. Guessing your happiness and well-being will be their number one concern for you and I know that all make sense and even as I say it I'm trying to convince myself that we shouldn't have to worry about what other people think and I started searching online about. Fear of other people's opinions and I found some great information and actually downloaded the book by Michael jervitt Gervais he's a psychologist with expertise on the link between the mind and human performance and he's the author of the first rule of mastery stop worrying about what people think of you. I highly recommend you download the book if you suffer from this on any aspect of your life but he he shares that yes, there was a day that we needed our community to help us survive.

04:36.75
sherimiterco
You know if you think back like caveman days and you know if somebody didn't like you or didn't agree with you and they kicked you out of the tribe that was literally life and death. But today we don't have that being. Ah, having somebody disagree with our opinion isn't normally life or death but yet our brain can still go to default on those old habits that it matters what other people think now Michael Gervais goes on to say in his book that some people's opinions. Do in fact. Matter and they can have a significant impact on one's trajectory in life buthobo as he calls it which is fear of people's opinions. So phobo we heard a fomo fear of missing out. So phobo is fear of people's opinions. He says. Phobo can constrict your potential and prevent you from doing what you feel called to do oh, that's so good and in his book. He goes on to say that phobo is a hidden epidemic that may be the single. Greatest constrictor of human potential as he explains he says our concern with what other people think about us has become an irrational unproductive and unhealthy obsession in the modern world and its negative effects reach into all.

06:07.16
sherimiterco
Aspects of our lives. Oh I don't know about you but I don't want phobo to make me have this unhealthy obsession and I don't want to be unproductive and I don't want those negative effects on my life so he goes on to say that it. That Phobo can go can slow down decision making and decrease risk taking creativity innovation and collaboration. He says when we stamp around the world trying to please others and be who we think people want us to be. Rather than who we really are we live life on their terms. Not ours I'm going to repeat that one. He says when we stamp around the world trying to please others and be who we think people want us to be. Rather than who we really are we live life on their terms. Not ours who then he goes on to say if you start paying less and less attention to what makes you you your talents beliefs and values. And start conforming to what others may or may not think you'll harm your potential. You'll start playing it safe because you're afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique. You'll fear being ridiculed or rejected.

07:38.12
sherimiterco
When challenged you'll surrender your viewpoint you won't raise your hand when you can't control the outcome. You won't go for that promotion because you won't think you're qualified. Oh so good. So good and maybe this is hitting you like it hit me. It's like. Oh my gosh how many times in my life have I done that have I played small because I was worried about what other people would think if I stepped up and I voiced my opinion honestly on this podcast that happens sometimes I don't voice my real opinion because I'm worried about. Wait. How am I going to sound on that am I going to sound stupid if I voice that opinion am I saying this right am I pronouncing the word right? All of these fears can just keep us stuck so here's the good news. There are things we can do to overcome Phobo so gerva. Suggest these steps and I'm going to share those with you and then I have a couple of things that I want to share with you to help you get through phobo so grab a pen grab your notebook grab your phone your notes page write these down this is so so so important because you know what in 2024 I don't but you but I don't want to play small I want to reach my full potential and I want to step into my greatness I want to step into my calling I want to step into what I'm designed to do um and a little hit here next week or the next episode I'm going to share more on how you can do that.

09:11.11
sherimiterco
Doing strength based goal setting my husband I just did that it oh was so powerful so powerful. Um, so I'm going to share some tips on that in the next episode but let's come back to today here's what you can do about phobo so from gerva. Um. He suggests that we take these steps if you find yourself experiencing phobo as he puts it. He said these can dampen the intensity of your stress responses number one guide yourself towards confidence building statements statements like I am a good public speaker. I put in the work so that I can trust my abilities I have a lot of great things to say I am completely prepared for this promotion and he says these statements or whatever you you need to create your own statement there obviously. These statements will help you focus on your skills and abilities rather than others opinions so focus create that confidence building statement that's based on your skills and abilities I also would add I recommend pull out your Clifton strengths 34 report and see what your natural talents say about you and create the confidence building statement around that the second thing he says to just help dampen the intensity. Um a phobo is to take deep breaths. He said this will signal.

10:40.65
sherimiterco
To your brain that you are not in immediate danger that you're not going to get kicked out of the tribe so just pause and take those deep breaths.

10:53.20
sherimiterco
Do that with me. Just doing that lowers your stress immediately and reminds you that you're not under danger and that you can do this and you have those confidence confidence building statement to fall back on now. Gerva also goes on to say if you really want to conquer Phobo you'll need to cultivate more self-awareness and he says if you want to be your best self or your best while being less fearful of people's opinions. You need to develop a stronger and much deeper sense of who you are and my friend isn't that what we're doing on this show and this podcast like I Hope That's what you're doing and diving into your Clipedton strengths and your talents your natural talents and abilities that just cultivating that self-awareness but he gives us. Some questions here that you can ask yourself to really develop that and he suggests that you create a personal philosophy which is a word or phrase that expresses your basic beliefs and values.

12:07.73
sherimiterco
And here are some questions you could ask yourself to create that personal philosophy number one when I'm at my best what beliefs lie just beneath the surface of my thoughts and actions so number one when I'm at my best what beliefs lie just beneath the surface. My thoughts and actions when you're at your best remember that part number 2 who are the people that demonstrate characteristics and qualities that are in alignment with mine. So who are the people that you know or maybe you've you've read about that. Demonstrate characteristics and qualities that are in alignment with yours. What are those qualities that's number 3 what are those qualities number 4 what are your favorite quotes your favorite words and I would add again pull out your Clifton strengths report. And make sure all of this aligns with your top 5 core talents. So then he says once you've answered these questions circle the words that stand out to you and cross out the ones that don't and then after studying what's left so the word you. So. Try to come up with a phrase or sentence that lines up with exactly who you are and how you want to live your life then share that draft with a loved one. Ask for input and fine-tune your philosophy from there and then he says commit it to memory and return to it daily.

13:42.15
sherimiterco
I would recommend you put it on sticky note on your computer or put it on your phone so it pops up every day as a reminder and I love that idea of this personal philosophy and again make sure it aligns with your natural talents as well. So back with. My husband. You know this was something else he did and this is another step that I would suggest you take for overcoming phobo and that is tell 1 trusted person when he finally told me. But he just didn't want to do this anymore. I could tell the weight was lifted off of his shoulders. So he told me first we talked it through then we told our kids and then we called some of our very closest. Sailing friends and let them in on it now we've told a few more friends we've started talking about it with people in our community here. Um, and eventually we'll make a Youtube video for the followers but who's that one person. Maybe it is your spouse.

14:55.37
sherimiterco
That you can just tell right now. Let them in on your secret that you want to make a change this year and I promise you that you will feel a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. Don't carry this all by yourself, tell that one person. And then together you can make a plan to tell other people that need to be in on it right now. But the last thing I'm want to close with is I want you to remember that no matter what your time working that job your time going to school to get that degree your time. You know as a manager or a boss or a Ceo of that business or for us our time traveling on the boat. That's not wasted time and even though it's time to let it go and change your course It's okay because guess what. You tried something and decided it wasn't for you. We tried something and decided it wasn't for us. It's no big deal. We're here to tell the story and the only way we know what we enjoy doing and what we don't enjoy doing is by trying it. You never know. And lets you get out there and try it and not to mention that you know we're going to take away memories and experiences and new friends and most of all comfort and knowing that we tried this and so will you? what.

16:31.18
sherimiterco
Experiences the skills the the things you've learned by trying what you just tried even if now it's time to let it go and these are the things that no one can take away from you. Even if they don't ah you know they don't understand your reason behind there. They can't take away all of those from you so nothing is ever lost. No time is wasted because there's always something that comes along with us. The only sad thing would be if you didn't try it. The only sad thing would be if you're on your deathbed thinking back to that day of like oh you know I wish I would have bought the sailboat and traveled I wonder what? I what it would have been like. I wish I would have gotten the degree I wish I would have tried doing that other job I wish I would have started my own business but you never did it because you were so fearful of what other people would think so my friend what have you been holding onto because you've been suffering from phobo. and is it time to let it go let it go and I'm not going to start singing for you but like frozen let it go let it go all right? So as a reminder next week

17:57.75
sherimiterco
Next week we're going to I'm going to share some tips for setting strengths based goals because now that we are aware of what we need to not bring into the new year with us and we're ready to let things go, we want to step into our greatness. We want to step into our calling. We want to step into being the person we're called to be. And being productive and in all those and letting the fabo go. So it's time to start thinking about the future and set goals that will energize and excite us and goals that you will keep through the whole year. It's not about losing weight. About going to the gym um is not a good about dry January January none of that. So. It's tips setting strengths based goals based on your natural talents and strengths so powerful. So so powerful so catch me next week and in the meanwhile remember that you were met for greatness. You were not meant to play small. So let's make 2024 that year that we truly do maximize our potential thanks as always for listening to the podcast. We'll catch you next week