Discovering Your Calling — Strengths-Based Career Clarity for Mid-Career Women

Building a Magnetic Marriage While Growing a Business with Angela & James Mitchell S5E11

• Season 5 • Episode 11

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Have you ever felt like your relationship is competing with your business ambition? Or the other way around? 

 In this episode, I sit down with Angela and James Mitchell, the founders of Love Intentionally. As a couple, they blend Angela’s background in counseling with James’ experience in entrepreneurship and coaching, bringing both heart and strategy to building marriages that thrive.

"Without me, his dreams may never come to reality. And without him, I feel like I could stay small." — Angela Mitchell 

Key Takeaways

  • The "Anchorpreneur" Dynamic: Learn what an  "Anchorpreneur" is—and how it takes the risk pressure off of the entrepreneurial spouse. 
  • Navigating Personality Differences: We look at their CliftonStrengths results. Angela (Woo, Communication, Achiever) and James (Strategic, Ideation, Woo) share how they navigate the friction between the "Visionary" and the "Realist" without driving each other crazy.
  • The Weekly Marriage Meeting: James breaks down their Sunday ritual to handle logistics, finances, meal planning, and intimacy for more peace. 
  • The 6-Year Gap: Angela shares this startling statistic from the Gottman Institute.  Learn why early intervention is key to avoiding deep ruts in your relationship.

Resources & Links

Love this episode or have questions? Send Sheri a message

✨ Not sure what’s next in your career or life?

Take Sheri’s free Career Clarity Quiz to discover your current season and the smartest next step for you.

👉 www.sherimiterco.com/careerquiz

Let’s continue the conversation beyond the podcast.


🔗 Connect with Sheri

Website: www.sherimiterco.com
Facebook & LinkedIn: @SheriMiter

Additional Resources:

📘 Get your copy of the Discovering Your Calling Book


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Matthew 5:14-16 is the inspiration for this podcast.
Gallup®, Clifton StrengthsFinder®, StrengthsFinder®, the 34 Clifton StrengthsFinder® theme names are trademarks of Gallup, Inc.

Sheri Miter

In today's episode, you'll hear the conversation I had with Angela and James Mitchell of love intentionally. And I feel like this was such a vital conversation that I think anybody who is married or thinking about getting married or in a serious relationship should listen to. They shared so many good, tangible things you can walk away with on how to make your marriage stronger. But I feel like this conversation is essential, especially if you are already in the entrepreneur space or you're thinking about stepping into the entrepreneur space because that's where your calling is leading you. So make sure you listen to this conversation and you might want to have your spouse listen to it as well. Enjoy. Welcome to the Discovering Your Calling podcast. I'm your host, Jerry Miter. I'm here to help you unleash your strengths and get clarity on your calling. I believe when you find your purpose in life, fulfillment, joy, and success will follow. If you're ready, pop in those earbuds, hit that follow button, and join me on this journey toward discovering your calling. All right, well, welcome to the Discovering Your Calling podcast. This is your host, Sherry Miter, and I am excited to welcome Angela and James Mitchell today. And they are the founders of Love Intentionally. They are married entrepreneurs raising three kids and helping other couples stay deeply connected in the middle of busy, ambitious lives. With Angela's background in counseling and James' experience in entrepreneurship and coaching, they both bring heart and strategy to building marriages that thrive. And what I really love as I kind of dove into your story is that it seems like this business wasn't just this idea you came up with, that it really came from your own personal journey. And I'd love to just start the conversation there. So first, just welcome to the podcast, Angela and James. And I would love to know what was happening when you started to feel this nudge that this calling to create this business and maybe the situation that you just couldn't really ignore anymore, that you had to like, we need to do something here. Yeah.

Angela

Yeah, great. Well, first of all, thanks for having us. Love, love being able to share with your audience. So we oh, where to start? I have been a counselor for 22 years in the field of counseling in a variety of settings. I started in nonprofits, then I worked as a school counselor. And James, when we met, was in real estate. That was his first on well, not your first, but not my first, lifelong here. Yeah, lifelong entrepreneur. But his first one he actually made money at, maybe, was being a realtor.

James

Substantial, yeah.

Angela

Yeah. And so when we started, he was, he had his own, you know, business and real estate and doing that entrepreneur thing. He also had a couple other things like getting good entrepreneur in the fire, a couple other ideas. And so I had the W-2 and kind of the steady income. And then we started having kids and we really had to figure out systems on how are we. We knew we wanted to be intentional when we got married. We wanted this to be a lifelong thing. I mean, I don't think anyone when they get married is like, I'm getting married, and then we'll just get divorced someday. But we felt really strongly to be intentional. And so from the beginning, we were having those conversations about yeah, what was our plan for life? How are we gonna get there? How do we stay connected along the way? And and also at the same time having do that alongside him building his business and then us building a family, starting to have kids and buy our house that we wanted and investments and all of those things. So we had a lot on our plates at the time. And so a lot of what we were doing was just figuring out how to make it work for us. Like it really started out as what we needed, right?

James

Yeah, to thrive. And then on my side of things, Angela loves and has loved her job, her W-2 and the counseling field and the school system here in Fort Collins, Colorado, where we live. But there were two things that really happened that started to shift my entrepreneurship from like the efforting entrepreneurship into this more heart-driven, purpose-driven work. And one was I remember the day Angela said, I've never known you to be happy in your career, which actually came as a shock to me, which I thought I was stating the facts.

Angela

Like I did not think this was gonna be a surprise.

James

Which was also a shock to her. But I was just putting a lot of effort into it. And I was just what felt great at the beginning, no amount of caffeine, no amount of nicotine, no amount of effort or energy was really making it work anymore. So that was the first thing. And then the second was we'll just call a mystical experience that helped me realize that there was a more heart-driven purpose in this life for me.

Angela

Yeah. So that's when you switched to really coaching, and you started with coaching entrepreneurs, realtors.

James

I wanted to become full-time and love intentionally. I saw a huge opportunity in this. And my intention is always to be be a master at what I'm doing. I want to feel like I am an expert, not just feel that way, but be an expert in the work. And so with Angela being a counselor, working with couples to her came really easily. But for me to go from being a realtor, an investor to working in this field, I wanted to become a coach. And so I went and took the bridge I knew. And so I shifted into coaching realtors through a company called Ninja Coaching and our Ninja Selling, and got my, you know, a couple thousand hours of in-person coaching there and I started my 10,000-hour journey to expertise in this field.

Sheri Miter

Right, right. So I'm curious, what was the mystical?

James

Uh there is a plant medicine, it's a plant medicine called ayahuasca.

Sheri Miter

Okay. Okay.

James

An invitation and opportunity to try that. And the message was clear. I mean, again, it was just like I'm burning out and just grinding my gears to a nub and it wasn't working. And so I just got the the message, so to speak, from the universe that said, hey, like there is something to what you're doing here. And if you lead with your heart, everything is going to work out.

Sheri Miter

I love that message because I think a lot of entrepreneurs feel that. And it seems to me like more and more and more are really sensing that because there was the hustle culture that a lot of us became entrepreneurs in or started our businesses in. And we realize that that does not, it's not sustainable, isn't, you know, and it leads to burnout very quickly. And it leads to maybe our spouse is saying, you don't really seem happy.

James

Classic story of the day. Yeah.

Sheri Miter

Yeah. Yeah. So before we do like really jump into what you do today, I want to just pause for a minute and take a little strengths detour here because I really do feel like your strengths, and I could already hear them coming out as a strengths coach, really do play in how you probably work together and or even the challenges, which I'm sure is what you help other couples with. So Angela, and and James and Angela were very kind enough to, I said, why don't we take the strengths, take the strengths assessment? Let's just play with this. And so thank you for doing that. So Angela leads with woo, communication, achiever, empathy, and connectedness, which are really a lot of relationship building skills, influencing themes, and also a little executing shows up in there. I got a little type A in me. I can see, and that's that achiever in there. Yep. James has strategic ideation, communication, activator, and woo. So you are the strategy and influencing. So that's why like you're on all these, you know, I'm the same type of themes, a few different different ones, but I still leave with strategic and influencing. So I can relate to you, James, with the entrepreneurship. Like the ideas are always flowing. There's never enough time to do all the ideas we have. And as I kind of went into strength study session yesterday, preparing for our call today, I love what some of the things that Gallup says about the two of you together. It says that you both together, you light up a room and turn ideas into motion. Angela, your warmth and connection create the relational found foundation. And James, your strategic vision and bold action push things forward. Together, you create energy that attracts people and drive real progress without losing the human side. I love that. So when you hear that, how do you see either each other's talents or your own talents? And we just did the top five, and what I just shared show up in real life and in your business.

Angela

Yeah. So uh when you sent this to us and I took a look at it, we were looking over it, I was like, I think Gallup is in our house, like right? I feel so both the strengths and the compliments and you know, the ways we work complimentary, and then also the challenges, you know, which I'm sure we'll get to in a minute. But yeah, I do see that. We have always said, which is one thing I've appreciated about us, is that we do feel like we complement each other well. So we do both share that communication, that woo, right? So we're both extroverts, we're both people people. I loved when we were dating that I could take him somewhere, like a friend's birthday party, and I didn't have to babysit him. He could just like walk around the room, make friends, right? And that was actually really attractive to me because I had that same quality. And so there's, you know, obviously some things that we're similar in, but we also really compliment each other. James has always been the creative big picture, right? I think that's that ideation part. And then I'm like, okay, what's the to-do list? How are we gonna get that done? Right. I'm the achiever. So I think those without me, his dreams may never come to reality. And without him, I feel like I could stay small. I could stay really focused on just the here and now in my to-do list and and that. I also think that there is, we really in our work with clients blend counseling and coaching, right? So my background in counseling, his and coaching, which I found really helpful for couples, right? Because whenever you're working with a couple, there could be some sore spots that need tended or cleaned up from the past, either from their own relationship or even something from childhood that's popping up, you know, an abandonment wound or whatever that's uh presenting itself in the relationship. And so I feel like my counseling skills and like my empathy and connectedness really shine, get to shine there. And then on the other hand, James is as the coach is really great about the where are you now? Where do you want to be, and how are you gonna get there, right? Let's take that action, let's activate, let's get you moving forward. And we found for couples that those really work well together.

James

The one of the things we've always done extremely well in this work together is the actual work together. When we're with clients, when we're with our groups, when we're with our customers, the synergy of how she shows up and how I show up really work well. And also when it comes to couples, there's usually one that's like, let's do counseling, and the other one is like, ah, why? Nothing's wrong.

Angela

We're not broken.

James

We're not broken, right? We just we just need a couple of tweaks. And then that's where looking at the work that we do and bringing the coaching aspect can help hold them and make them feel comfortable about what exactly it is we're gonna be spending our time and resources on.

Sheri Miter

And I would imagine you probably are able to paint the picture of why they should be at counseling. They may think a bit more of the empathetic side. So it's nice to have that balance of the two of you coming together. Like you said, Angela, that you're that empathy, the counseling, that background. Whereas, James, you can take and like, but this is what you get when you do this, right? So this is where you're gonna go. Yeah.

James

Yeah. And I also get some permission to say the thing very bluntly. I don't take it for granted. And in fact, I take it as a just one of my favorite privileges in this work, it is to beer and reflect back what's actually happening in a way. And especially with in the men's world, right? I do a lot of men's coaching as well. The more blunt and clear I can say things, the more likely they are to hear it. And it could have been something that their spouse or a friend or somebody else has told them a million times, but when it comes out in this setting, like they actually hear it almost for the first time.

Sheri Miter

Right, right. Especially if it's, like you said, been coming from a spouse previously. Matters who says it. Yes, absolutely. And I've been married 40 years, so I feel like I can say some of these things too. So we have been married 40 years. And as I share before we hit the record, it's interesting because my husband, my husband's a professional firefighter. Oh, he's retired now. But he found he's one of those people that since he was three years old knew exactly what he wanted to do and went out and did it. You know, he had to do a few detours to get there, but he was willing to take the detours because he knew exactly what he wanted to do and he excelled at it. He he'd probably still be working if if I wasn't ready to retire as a firefighter's wife. And, you know, I've always been like you, James, are like, well, I'll try this. Okay, well, now I'm gonna try this. Well, now I'm gonna try this. And I fell into network marketing. That's where I kind of landed for 20-something years until I outgrew that. And then I got into doing the discovering your calling coaching. But there were times and seasons, and he didn't say it to me like you did, Angela, and he probably should have, but that you don't seem happy. That I would used to get very jealous that he was living his calling. And at the time I had no idea calling wasn't the word I would have used. You know, this is going back, you know, 25, 30 years ago. But I remember that that and being envy of or envious of him because he was so happy in his career. And I'm curious, do you find that a lot? And do you see that the entrepreneurs are normally happier or the W-2 people are normally happier? Or does it really even does that even make a difference? But do you see that like that tension show up for couples sometimes of one's very solid, happy, doing what they love, and the other one's struggling to find that?

James

I think any uh not to make generalizations, but most of the time there's an entrepreneur in the relationship, the answer to that's gonna be yes. Somebody I like to look and what we see a lot is this game of leapfrog, right? And so whenever Angela was holding down the W-2, what we call the anchorpreneur, right? She was the anchor and I was out there doing the entrepreneurship, her anchorness, that's officially known a word, right? It'll it allowed me to go out and create with a sense of security at home.

Sheri Miter

Yes.

James

And then for us, once I had that, it was also like, okay, well, that's not exactly it. Well, how can I shift an entrepreneurship? But what we see a lot in couples is they play leapfrog. And so somebody's in that like down position, like, I've got this, maybe I'm happy in this or I'm content in this. And so you can take the leap to go do what it is that's going to, in your mind and in your vision, fulfill you. And then once they get set and settled, then usually it's their turn to hunker down while the other person takes a leap and maybe jumps into a different career in the W-2 position, maybe jumps out of the career and decides to go home and be a full-time stay-at-home parent. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

Angela

Goes back to school, you know, a variety of things.

James

But we take turns. And I think taking turns is always these couples continuing to iterate what it is on the way to their vision. Because a lot of times it's not exactly what they're doing, but how is what you're doing providing the ability to live the dream life.

Sheri Miter

Right. Right. Yeah. And I love that you how you said that with the leapfrog, because I definitely see that like with some of the women I work have worked with in multiple different when I was in network marketing and definitely today, that they say that, that like, well, I'm gonna figure out what I really want to do, but then I want to retire my husband so that he can then go do what he wants to do. So I hear that a lot. So that totally makes sense with the leapfrog.

Angela

I think some of the strain or tension can come when someone, and I'm it, you know, not to blame anyone in the relationship on whose fault this is, but where one person isn't getting their chance to do their thing, right? And it could be because they feel stuck, they feel like, no, that's too risky. I have to stay with my W 2, or I have to stay with this W 2, I can't career shift, or I think it's like only five years until I get my pension or ten years and stuff like that.

Sheri Miter

Oh, that drives me. That's like the worst thing I hear.

Angela

Yeah. Yeah. And so if forever for whatever reason, their own inhibitions or because what's going on the other side of the relationship, but when they don't get their turn to really live out their dreams, that's where I see often the tension arise. And the couples that can, like James, I kind of leapfrog it, usually are both, you know, especially when we reflect that back to them, are appreciative of that, right? That they have been able to both do that at some point.

Sheri Miter

And the other tension that I see with some of the women I work with is if they have come from using your terms, the W-2 lifestyle, where they've always had that W, they've always had the steady quote unquote job. And their spouse has come from the same type of family, always the traditional career, paycheck, you know, retire, then you enjoy life mentality. And all of a sudden, one of them, you know, I tend to work with women, so normally for me it's the woman, decides she wants to venture out and try entrepreneurship. That does bring on the whole new dynamics of not really understanding this. And actually, right now I even see sometimes with my son, my young, we have three boys, my youngest son has his own business, side business right now. He has another, he has his W-2 job still. And his wife comes from more traditional. So when there is that tension in there of conflict of scheduling or something, I hear little comments and he she's very supportive of, they're very supportive of each other, but every once you hear these little comments made. And I'm just curious, how do you coach couples through when they're feeling that tension because they don't really understand what it does take to run your own business and the different mindset that as an entrepreneur you need to have and all the different things that come up with it? How do you deal with that?

Angela

Yeah, I mean, I would say like step number one in our coaching. Well, step number one is that we always want to build a safe container for these conversations, right? And so that's part of the reason people pay counselors and coaches is to have this kind of more neutral space with guides that they can talk through some of these issues that are sometimes trickier, money being one of them, right? It's one of the main things couples fight about. And so our our process then is to help them go a layer deeper, right? So if there is tension going on around, you know, let's say it's money, right? So, like, oh, I'm, you know, well, I'm scared if you go do this entrepreneurship thing, right? What is that gonna do for our income? Then we want to dig down a little bit, right? What are their values around money? What is important? What are the fears? What are the non-negotiables, right? And see if we can find a plan that is going to meet both people's needs. So, you know, just using money as an example, oftentimes we encourage couples to get buckets of money, right? So we have our savings, we have our monthly spending, we have, you know, this we're saving for a new house, we're, you know, vacation money, whatever, having different accounts or buckets, and then helping them identify for both of them how much do you need in the buckets to feel safe and secure, right? And then how much can be played with? How much can be maybe used to take that risk for the entrepreneur? I mean, that's just one example, you know, depending on the configuration, the dynamics in the relationship. But we want to go, what's the layer deeper? What are the needs and the fears that we need to address? And then how do we come up with a plan that really helps both partners feel like their needs are being met? I love that. Very practical.

Sheri Miter

Yeah, the very practical.

James

That resonates. That's so that's inside the own relationship. One of the things you alluded to is how it affects the family and our friends around us. And so as our own energy rises and our own vibration rises to be able to match the new level of entrepreneurship and risk that it takes, our flame starts to burn a little brighter. And it can really like create situations where some people want to step up to the fire, right, and get warm and like catch fire with you. And then others are stepping back, like, hey, this is not feeling like what has happened to you. You've changed. You've changed. I've worked with in men's coaching lawyers and doctors that are stepping away from those degrees to step into entrepreneurship and coaching and their families, like, you had it, you had the safe job, you got the degree. Why are you stepping away from that? One of the things that is important is that what I've noticed, right? Anytime I step into a new role and I'm moving into something else, it is bringing up my own tension, my own fears, my own insecurities. And when it brings that up in those around us, it's just noticing how their tension and their insecurity can trigger mine as well. And so just learning to the best entrepreneurs can sit with that and alchemize it into action and clarity without being necessarily dragged back down to the other vibration frequency that the people around us are having around this big shift that we're having, because it scares them. And if we're scared too, which usually we are, that can create a rough situation. And so it's becoming better able to handle what's coming up inside of our own bodies so we can hold that space for those around us.

Sheri Miter

I love that. And I love the analogy of the fire of like you said, some are gonna want to go. Next to the fire, and others are gonna oof, you know, what's happening, and and do that. That's a great analogy. And it's interesting. I decided this year I really want to get to get into meditation, like really understand it. And so much of what you're saying, like, okay, just acknowledge that, let it go, acknowledge it, let it go, you know, and the vibrations. So love the uh love the way you explain that. I usually talk about the lobster pot. I don't know if you ever heard of when lobsters get put into a pot and they try to pull each other down. If one tries to climb out of the lobster pot, the other ones are pulling them back down again, pulling them back down again because we're all comfortable stuck here. But when one of us tries to escape, it makes everybody else a little uncomfortable and stuff. But I love working on your own emotions when that's happening and what you said.

James

That's been a good practice and an ongoing one, if I'm being honest.

Sheri Miter

Oh, totally. I think because mindset is so huge. And I am thinking as I was listening to you too, it you know, it sometimes it's the day of the week. Somebody can say something to you one day and you're feeling like, I've got this, I'm invincible, I'm gonna fulfill my dream, and it just rolls. And then if they say it another day where you're not feeling so strong in your conviction, it hits a whole different way. A whole different way. So I want to just mention one of the other strengths themes because I definitely hear this when I'm listening to the two of you talking. How again, and you said this beautifully earlier, Angela, just how you the both of you complement each other so well. And I don't know if you caught this in the strengths reports, but even your woo and communication descriptions are different when you really look at them because it they play with the rest of your talent themes. And I I wrote this down and I definitely want to bring this up. Your communication theme. So, James, your description, one of the little bits that caught my attention, said driven by your talents, you keep the dialogue going when talking with visionaries about what will be possible in the distant future. You customarily share your own experiences, examples, or stories to make a point. You ask questions and seek explanations to help forward-looking thinkers refine their imagination propositions. And you just did that beautifully with the fire analogy. And then Angela, though, your communication with the thing says by nature, you sometimes point out potential difficulties when discussing ideas with forward-looking thinkers. While they concentrate primarily on possibilities, you may you may find exciting. You try to help them be more realistic and practical, or this even says this budget conscious. That's why I'm the CEO of our family. And that just kind of brings up when you see that in other couples that you're working with, how do you help them navigate understanding and appreciating? Because I really do hear and sense you two really appreciate your differences. How do you help other couples appreciate the differences and not be clashing because of them?

Angela

Yeah. So I love kind of personality tests and things, you know, similar to the strengths. And we use them with couples, you know, whether it's love languages, we have our own intimacy styles quiz. But I do we often have couples take these kind of assessments to get some common language around to better understand themselves and each other, right? And I find when we have that common language and it is honoring language, right, then we are able to view it as, you know, in this case, a strength of theirs, right? And so, and I think that is something James and I really both came into the relationship with is that we are very different. We comp we have similar values, a lot of that stuff, but you know, we show up differently in the world, but we see those things as complementary, right? And so, you know, instead of, you know, instead of calling my organized nature and my spreadsheets and everything, oh, you're being anal retentive, or, you know, some kind of more derogatory term, James is so appreciative of those qualities, right? And might use the language of like, you know, strengths is achiever, or on true colors, I'm gold, you know, I'm blue gold, right? Like so kind of looking at that language to look at those traits as honoring what are the good parts of those and what do they bring to the relationship? And for us, you know, we kind of we've joked like if, you know, if both of us were, you know, big picture dreamers, we'd probably never get anything done, right? Or if we were both like taskmasters, we may never like look up from our to-do list and you know, whatever. So the seeing them as complements to being on the same team and recognizing we use the same team language a lot, right? So we create this vision. That's a big part of the work we do with couples, is create a vision. What is this life we want to create? What is our North Star? And then how are we both going to use our strengths, our talents, our roles on the team to help us get there? And those need to complement each other. We don't always want to both be pitchers, right? Somebody needs to be a catcher.

James

So we both want to get we have this vision, it's shared, and we both want to get what we need. And so one of the things that we do really well is I spend a lot of my energy focused on what does she need, and I trust she's gonna do that back. And so I'm focused on what she needs in order to feel safe and secure to move forward. And she's focused on what I need to feel space to dream and to be creative and to have these ideas that then we can work on together and mold. The trust between the two of us that we're each approaching our relationship that way and our business that way, with that common honoring language has been a game changer and something that's really not that hard to install in any relationship.

Sheri Miter

I love that. That's yeah, if you approach that with the trust and what do they need. You know, that right there is so powerful that if that's all somebody took into their relationship, that would probably really make a huge difference, whether they're W-2s, entrepreneurs, or whatever, just what do they need and how can I help them with that?

Angela

Yeah. And it's partly because we love each other, but it's also partly selfish. Like if he, if James is showing up at his best, right, if he's thriving, I get a better husband and mate. Yes, right. And so how can I help him thrive, right? And vice versa.

James

So it all comes back to connection for us. And this works in your marriage, this works in your relationship, this works in your business relationship, this works if you work together. But and for us, we define connection as feeling seen, feeling appreciated, and feeling desired. And you got to get those first two down, the seen and appreciated, for the desire to really kick in. But this, what we're talking about right here is how do each of us feel seen? And when we're both fighting to be seen, then it's more like, what do I need? What do I, I, I, I, I? And when we can just pause and then create a nice container that says, all right, how can I see you better? Right. What would you like some more appreciation around? And we do this pretty much once a week in our weekly marriage meeting, not our business meeting. But how can we better give each other what we're looking for and then not just keep it up to guesswork, right? Just make it extremely clear. And what that requires is that for me, if I'm going to ask her what I'm looking for and what I'm wanting to be seen and appreciated for, guess who needs to know that first? So it's up to me to decide that and then to communicate that in a way and in a container that allows that communication to land.

Sheri Miter

Right. So I have two questions for one for each of you. And so, Angela, you said something about your the North Star, the relationship north star star. I want to come back to that. And then, James, I want to come back to what you just said about the marriage meeting. Yes. I want to come, I want to hear more about that. So whoever wants to go first.

Angela

Yeah, it's funny too, because I feel like we're gonna talk about the thing that is the other person's strength. Yeah. So I love this. This would be great. Yeah. So I feel like the relationship North Star is like more in line with James' personality, but I've come to love it too. So when we what we look at is holistically intentional relationship, right? So we're, you know, looking at all the things. We identified really kind of three prongs to that. So there's creating this vision together, which we call your relationship North Star. And that is what do we, what is this life that we want to live together? What are we creating together? Some of it might be really tangible, like we want to live in this town, in this type of house. We want 2.5 kids and a dachshund, right? Like it can be really logistical. And some of it is like, how do we want to feel in that life, right? And so it's a lot of dreaming. We make a lifelist, also known as a bucket list, right? Kind of so it's it's a fun exercise we usually do together and we guide other couples through is really creating this vision of this life we want. And we found that when we have that, it keeps us on the same page and feeling like we're on the same team. Second prong is our strategic life plan. So that's like the how are we going to get to that, right? How what are the goals? What are we doing this year? What's what are we doing over the next five years to help us reach and create that life we're wanting, that vision?

James

Lots of logistics in that phase.

Angela

Yeah, that's mostly logistics. And then the third prong is the connection. And really for us, that's what makes it all worth it. We can build this beautiful house and life and kids and all the things and have the financial success we want. And if we're not connected at the end of the day, like it it doesn't matter. That feels flat it falls flat. It feels unfulfilling, right? So our connection and relationship is what makes the dream life really worth it and feel like the dream life inside of it, right? So those are kind of our three things. So a relationship north star, though, is where we start. It's that vision.

James

And for this weekly marriage meeting, a lot of folks like it's like one more meeting and anything else. I was that guy. I didn't really want to start doing this. But for me, I was noticing our logistics were bleeding over into every single part of our life. On Monday afternoon, it was like, well, what are we having for dinner tonight? Who's gonna go to the store? Who's taking the kid to basketball? And then on the other side, for you know, there's this our connection piece. Like, what do we need? What kind of support are we looking for? So we, from one of our mentors that we worked with a long time ago, they provided us with a template that we have just reworked to be more appropriate for our marriage. And everybody gets that artistic license. But once a week, and for us we do it on Sundays and we hold Sundays sacred. Doesn't have to be the same time, depending on what we're doing. A lot of times it's in the car if we're coming back from the ski mountain or camping or something like that. But we sit down and the first thing we do is we share appreciation and gratitude. That's an important one. We have accidentally skipped that sometimes.

Angela

And we notice we notice real fast. We're like, let's pause and go do that again.

James

Because it's important that we are always connecting before we're correcting. And sometimes it's just course correction. But we start with that and then we move into our emotional connection. Right. The counselor brought that one into the game as well. But how are we feeling this week? It allows us just to check in. One time I was like, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Angela traditionally owns that particular emotion in our relationship.

Angela

I'm the best at that emotion in our relationship. Yep.

James

Right. So it helped her to just help me and not necessarily put anything extra or add anything extra to my plate. In fact, take things off of it without me having to ask for it, especially whenever it started to blip out as frustration. Uh and then we move into a financial check, right? How is our financials doing? There's a short, medium, and long-term goal on that. A lot of this is really dedicated towards that North Star. And then we move into our logistics. All right, what's the calendar for the week? Who's going to be what where? What's our meal plan? We do a meal plan for the week, and we uh I do the grocery shopping, and then we do that for the entire week. And then we get into some of the more fun stuff, like what are our social life and friendship plans this week? What does our personal care look like? When are we going to the gym? We schedule sex and intimacy once a week. Doesn't mean that's all we have, but the intimacy part of it is like, let's just create some space for us. And so that was actually the one item on the weekly to uh the weekly marriage meeting that got me really interested in doing it on a regular basis.

Angela

All right, I'll be there something for everyone in that meeting. Yep.

James

And then we end up, we close off every year we do what's called we do our marriage retreat. So it's like a business planning, but for our life, and it's got those logistics, it's got everything in the North Star that Angela was mentioning. And we'll pull out our one pager from that and just check in and say, these were the things we wanted to do. How are we doing on them? It's like, oh shoot, we haven't had a one-on-one with the kids this this last month. We kind of that one fell to the way.

Angela

That was the goal for this year, and we let's let's schedule that.

James

So this weekly marriage meeting is extremely important ritual in our marriage that keeps us on the same page, managing logistics, and it also for me it puts logistics into a nice little box where they're not becoming all of our conversations every day.

Angela

It takes us about an hour, but it saves us so much time in inefficiencies and just in like mental load, right? If we have all of the stuff figured out in that hour, then we're not having to worry about it or figure it out or balls don't get dropped as often.

James

And we can save stuff for that meeting, right? And so if something comes up throughout the week that we want to touch on, bringing it up in the moment or in the kitchen at seven, eight, nine o'clock at night hasn't really worked well for us. We don't really see that working well for a lot of folks. And so just having a place to put that and for me knowing and for her knowing that there's a space to address that in a safe container has been a monumental, a monumental shift.

Sheri Miter

Aaron Ross Powell Right. I could see where that would be, especially when you're in the heat of raising kids. And and how old are your kids? 11, 13, and 20.

Angela

So that's busy life. Yes.

James

But we're in the heavy, you know, sport seasons and theater seasons. Like it's a great time. I mean, it's just a little extra.

Sheri Miter

Right, right. A lot of, like you said, logistics that have to be figured out. Who's dropping off, who's picking up, who, you know, do we have to stay the practice? All those things. Like I said, we had three boys. I remember those days. And that was when I did have to meal plan. I did have, we had to be very more structured, which is not my way of being at all. I'm very much a more go-with-the-flow kind of person, but that structure is what keeps you sane. That structure is what keeps the arguments down. That structure is what again goes back to what do you need this week? How can I take the load off a little bit? And how can I support you and those things. So that's a brilliant. I love that. And I love that it's a weekly, a weekly check-in and you know, goes back to your business name, love intentionally. It's like when you do these things and it seems may seem like like, why do we have to do that? You shouldn't have to do that. I'm sure you probably hear that. Well, why do we have to do that? Because if you don't, time slips away. You know, and life happens, and we just don't make time for anything. That's really important sometimes.

James

There is a book called Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill. Ever familiar?

Sheri Miter

I have not heard that one, no.

James

And he basically identifies what he's gonna call the devil as drift. And that's what you're describing is that we can we can intentionally move closer together, or we're nationally gonna drift further apart.

Sheri Miter

And I know we're coming close to our time here, and that was a great way to end, but I just want to know is there anything else that you want to add that you want couples that are listening to this, or maybe that one person that's listening to this, like, okay, I need to have my husband or or my spouse listen to this episode. Is there anything else you really like on your heart that you want to say to that person right now that's listening?

James

The one thing that comes up out of the two things, there's two things that come up. Welcome, Doc. Right. The first thing is that it takes two to create a pattern and only one person to change it. That's something that Angela says often, but I'm gonna steal it in this moment because that came directly to mind. And you know, if you're stepping into this world of entrepreneurship and stepping into a new life, right, there's a leadership component to that. And it just takes a little bit of leadership to be able to make a huge change. So you can be the reason the pattern gets disrupted and a new one gets created. So just a little encouragement to that. And it's not easy, mind you, but it's simple. And one of the things that we did is we wrote a book. We did a sabbatical last year. We spent the year in Peru with our family, and we wrote a book. It's called Married and Magnetic, and it's a toolbox. And so depending on where you're at and what situation you're encountering in your relationship, whether it's lack of connection, lack of vision, the strategy, or the household logistics are just not working, there's something in that book that you can flip to to help you get a real tool that we have used, identified that it actually works to help manage that particular like clunky moment.

Sheri Miter

I'll have to grab that book for my three, all three of my sons are now married. So it sounds like a great gift to give them.

unknown

Awesome.

Angela

Yeah. And I would the only other thing I would add to that is the Gottmans who are, you know, have done the most tons of marriage research, right? Over the last 40 years, they have all sorts of good stuff. But what they found was that the average couple waits six years to get help when they're experiencing a struggle. And so my advice to anyone listening to this, and I don't think the struggle even needs to be that big, even if it's a little thing, like, you know, we just have some tension around this one issue. We're great in nine out of 10 areas, but this tenth issue just keeps coming up. Like even that kind of struggle, right? I would encourage folks to seek out resources, get help, while it's small, because what happens in those six years, and here's my counselor perspective, right? When people have come to me and an issue's been going on for a long time, not only are they dealing with the issue, they're dealing with the six years of baggage they've accumulated as a result of that issue, right? And the patterns that are created are like these deep ruts that are harder to get out of after six years, right? Versus six months where the patterns aren't that instilled, we can disrupt them easier. So my encouragement is when you do feel tension, seek some resources, get some help. Doesn't mean things are broken. It doesn't mean you're on the brink of divorce, right? But just that I feel like all of us can do it a little better. And sometimes it takes that outside perspective to help show us our blind spots, right? And help us get the coaching we need. So whether it's, you know, relationship or in your case when you're coaching people business-wise, that you don't have to struggle alone. There's plenty of people out there that can help.

Sheri Miter

Right, right. Very good advice because I've seen the consequences of from other friends and family members that held on to that one little thing for too long and ended up in a surprise divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blindsided the spouse because they had no idea.

James

But yeah, they're like, I didn't realize we were that bad. And it's like, well, what I what I've noticed is that when that same thing comes back, what we start looking at and feeling is this hopeless and helpless. Like, oh, that's always gonna be how it gets, if he's never gonna change, if she's never gonna change, and this is always gonna be the thing. But the cool thing about marriage is that it is the greatest personal development container on the planet. And whatever issue that you're dealing with, it takes two to tango, and you're gonna deal with it on the next relationship as well. So you might as well just buck up, step in, roll up your sleeves, and deal with it with the person who loves you and knows you the best and work through it together.

Sheri Miter

Good advice, good advice. And it's worth it. I mean, like I said, we've been married 40 years, and I always say 39 were very happy. And the last, the one that was unhappy was not the recent one. It was it was early on. We got through it. Thank God. It was, you know, one of those things. Neither one of us knows how we stepped into that year not liking each other, and we got out of that year, loving each other. We don't even know what happened in between. It was just an ugly year, but thank God we stuck with each other because you know, 40 years our relationship's still strong, and we're still learning about each other. We're still doing these things. And now we're gonna incorporate the weekly. We do a yearly. We we did that this year, and that was wonderful. Like uh just to get away, but I love the weekly.

James

Huge. So 39 out of 40 is some really great statistics there, too.

Sheri Miter

I feel like it, you know.

James

So I mean, it's curious. I would love to ask you a question if that's all right, as a good deal.

Sheri Miter

Absolutely.

James

40 years, what's your secret?

Sheri Miter

I think a lot of some of the things you've already shared, but I think communication, it really comes down to communication and and you know, not keeping like you you just shared, Angela, not keeping those little things bottled up and having that clear line of communication. And sometimes the conversation isn't easy. And there's might be hurt feelings, and you know, I tend to say things very bluntly sometimes, which is not always good. But once the conversation starts, it's like, okay, now it's out there and let's talk about it and we get through it. And so I think communication and just also too, I think what you said earlier on, James, I do feel like We are concerned with how's the other person how how can I make their life easier? How can I help them, you know, enjoy life today? What do they need? And always looking after that first. And that we are we're a team. You know, it's it's he's my best friend. I couldn't imagine not having you know, my husband, he's you know, we're the ones we want to go do things together. And I think that's important too, is like we are each other's, we're not just spouses, we're each other's best friends. And that's a huge thing.

James

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Sheri Miter

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for asking. Well, I knew this conversation was going to be good with two woos in the room. Never you never have to worry about the conversation not being good. And for anybody that is that listened to this conversation and think, okay, I need more of this. I need more of Angela and James and what they're doing. How do what's the best way for them to find you?

James

So our school community, S K O O L slash Love Intentionally, we'll send it in the show notes.com slash love intentionally. There's our, you know, what uh so that's the best place to find us. And that's the best place to find our free resources. So once you're in there, or the weekly marriage meeting is a free resource. You can grab that. There's a little video on how to do it. How to do it. Oh awesome. As well as a couple of other things. And then once you're in there, you can message us. You can access us directly, but that is the best place.

Sheri Miter

Okay, great. And that will be, like Angela said, that will be in the show notes. And then also what was the name of your book again?

James

Married and Magnetic.

Sheri Miter

Married and Magnetic. And we'll put a link, I assume, is that on Amazon? Yes.

James

On Amazon, and that's also the name of our podcast where we have two-on-two conversations with real entrepreneurial couples. Doesn't mean both of them are entrepreneurs, but just one person in the relationship is an entrepreneur, and they're sharing what it's really like to be in marriage in that configuration.

Sheri Miter

Awesome. Wonderful. Well, we'll share all of those things in the show notes. And thank you again, James and Angela, for being on the podcast today and sharing what you do and playing along with the strengths part too. Hope you enjoyed that. That was fun. Yes. Thank you for having us. Thank you for spending this time with me. My hope is something you heard today inspires you to take action toward discovering your calling. I just have two favors to ask of you before you go. One, if you found value and enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and you might hear your review read on a future episode. And two, can you share this episode with three friends who will also enjoy it as much as you did? By doing these things, you will help us grow the podcast to make a bigger impact on the world. And until next week, remember, you've been created to live a life of fulfillment, freedom, purpose, success, and joy.

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Sheri Miter

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